This page contains jokes that I've collected all over the web, and some that I already knew. Enjoy!

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Swallow: It's not that hard!

A masked man walks into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter and shouts: "open the safe!"
"But this is not a real bank" the woman replies "it's a sperm bank."
"Open the safe or I'll shoot!" the man shouts.
The woman, now terrified, opens the safe.
"Now take one of the bottles and drink it", he says.
"But sir, these are sperm samples!" the woman replies.
"Just drink it or I'll shoot!"
The woman opens the bottle and drinks the lot. "Now take another bottle and drink it"
"But sir, I just drank one"
"Drink another one or I will shoot you"
The woman has no alternative and drinks a second bottle.
When she has emptied it the man now takes off his mask and the woman is surprised to see the robber is her husband.
"Now you see, honey", he says, "it isn't so difficult now is it!?

Jerry is hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and he's excited. He's especially thrilled because he gets to take two long solos.
After the sessions, which go great, Jerry can't wait to see the finished product. He asks the producer where and when he can catch the film.
A little embarrassed, the producer explains that the music is for a porno flick that will be out in a month, and he tells Jerry where he can go to see it.
A month later, Jerry, with his collar up and wearing glasses, goes to the theatre where the picture is playing.
He walks in and sits way in the back, next to an elderly couple who also seem to be disguised and hiding.
The movie starts, and it's the filthiest, most perverse porno flick sex, S&M, golden showers...and then, halfway through, a dog gets in on the action.
Before anyone can blink an eye, the dog has had sex with all the women in every orifice, and most of the men.
Embarrassed, Jerry turns to the old couple and whispers, "I'm only here for the music."
The woman turns to Jerry and whispers back, "We're here to see our dog."

Whiskey Shots

A man goes in to a bar and orders twelve shots of whiskey.
The bartender lines up a dozen shot glasses on the bar, then fills them with whiskey.
Quickly the man downs one after the other until he has finished all twelve.
"Well, pal," says the bartender, "What are you celebrating?"
"My first blow job," says the man.
"Oh, in that case," says the bartender, "let me buy you one more!"
"Nah," says the man, "If twelve will not get the taste out of my mouth then nothing will."


5. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

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