"I know how to do anything - I'm a mom." - - - Roseanne Barr


Things your mother told you.

   All I do is follow you around, picking up after you like some maid.

 Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident.

 Am I talking to a brick wall?

 Answer me when I ask you a question!

 Are you going out dressed like that?

 Are you lying to me?

 Are your hands broken?

Pick it up yourself! I'm not your maid!

 As long as you live under my roof, you'll do as I say.

 Be good.

 Beds are NOT made for jumping on.

 Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.

 Call me when you get there, just so I know you're okay.

 Did you brush your teeth?

 Did you clean your room?

 Did you comb your hair?

 Did you flush?

 Do as I say, not as I do.

 Do you live to annoy me?

 Do you think I'm made of money?

 Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?

 Don't ask me WHY. The answer is NO.

 Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.

 Don't cross your eyes or they'll freeze that way.

 Don't eat that, you'll get worms!

 Don't EVER let me catch you doing that again!

 Don't go out with a wet head, you'll catch cold.

 Don't make me come in there!

 Don't make me get up!

 Don't pick that scab, it'll get infected.

 Don't pick your nose in public.

 Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been.

 Don't run with a lollipop in your mouth.

 Don't sit too close to the television, it'll ruin your eyes.

 Don't stay up too late!

Go to bed!

 Don't talk with your mouth full!

 Don't use that tone with me!

 Don't you have anything better to do?

 Eat your vegetables, they're good for you.

 Enough is enough!

 Go ask your father.

 Go play outside! It's a beautiful day!

 Go to your room and think about what you did!

 Going to a party? Leave a phone number in case I need to call.

 Going to a party? Who's going to be there?

 Going to a party? Will the parents be home?

 How many times do I have to tell you?

 I brought you into this world, and I can take you right back out!

 I can always tell when you're lying.

 I don't care what "everyone" is doing. I care what YOU are doing!

 I don't care who started it, I said stop!

 I don't care who started it, you stop it!

 I don't know is NOT an answer.

 I hope someday you have children just like you.

 I would have never talked to MY mother like that!

 If I catch you doing that one more time, I'll...

 If I want your opinion I'll ask for it!

 If it were a snake, it would have bitten you.

 If wishes were horses...

 If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Tears, Tears...cry me a handful!!

 If you don't clean your plate, you won't get any dessert.

 If you don't do it NOW, then when are you going to do it?

 If you stick your tongue out again it will fall off.

Keep on pouting... Your lip looks like a pirch..if you don't watch out, a bird will shit on it!

 I'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one.

 I'm going to give you until the count of three...

 I'm not running a taxi service.

 I'm not your cleaning lady!

 I'm not your maid!

 Is your homework finished?

 Isn't it past your bedtime?

 It's no use crying over spilt milk.

 Leave your sister (brother) alone!

 Life isn't fair.

 Little pitchers have big ears.

 Look at me when I'm talking to you.

 Look at this room! It looks like a pig-sty!(Kendra)

 Money does NOT grow on trees.

 Never try on anyone else's glasses or you'll go blind.

 No child of MINE would do something like that.

 Nobody asked you.

 Now, say you're sorry...and MEAN it!

 Put that down! You don't know where it's been!

 Running away? Don't let the door hit you in the rear.

 Running away? I'll help you pack.

 Running away? Is that a threat or a promise?

 Shut your mouth and eat.

 So it's raining? You're not sugar -- you won't melt.

 So what if Tatum's mom let her do it? If Tatum's mom let her jump off the Empire State Building, would you want me to let you do it too?

 Someday your face will freeze like that.

 The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

 There's enough wax in those ears to grow potatoes!

 Think of those poor starving children in India... (or China, or Africa.)

 This hurts me more than it hurts you.

 Turn off that light. Do you think we own the electric company?

 Watch your language!

 Watch your mouth!

 Well, people in Hades want ice water, but do you see me with a PITCHER?

 Well, people in Hell want ice water too!

 Were you born in a barn? Close the door -- and DON'T slam it!

 What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?

 What kind of a grade is that? You could do much better!

 When I was a little girl...

 When I was young we had respect for our elders, now look at the world!

 When I was your age...

 When will you be back?

 Where are you going?

 Where do YOU think you're going?

 Who are you going with? Do I know them?

 Who do you think you are?

 Who taught you THAT? You didn't learn that in this house!

 Why? Because I SAID so, that's why!

 Wipe your feet!

 You are getting on my last nerve.

 You can go out to play...after you brush your teeth and comb your hair.

 You can go out to play...after you pick up your room.

 You can go out to play...after you've done your homework.

 You can't find it? Well, I can't find it for you - I didn't wear it!

 You can't find it? Well, I can't find it for you - I'm not the maid!

 You can't find it? Well, if you'd put things where they belonged, you wouldn't have this problem.

 You can't find it? Well, where did you leave it last?

 You can't judge a book by its cover.

 You can't start the day on an empty stomach.

 You don't always get what you want. It's a hard lesson, but you might as well learn it now.

 You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you.

 You have an answer for everything, don't you?

 You made your bed, now lie in it.

 You must think rules are made to be broken.

 You WILL eat it, and you WILL like it!

 You won't be happy until you break that, will you?

 Your father is going to hear about this when HE gets home!

 You're going to put your eye out with that thing!

 You're the oldest. You should know better.